All I Want for Christmas ...

is you.


Yes, Christmas is that time of year with cozy nights full of fires, blankets and, if I have it my way... hot chocolate laced with Kahlua, yummmmm. But I can say how excited I am to spend the holiday with my other half and his family.

I worked really hard to find the perfect presents for everyone. And hopefully (*crosses fingers*) I will be off work in time to get to them without it being retarded-ly late. Because, that would suck. But that is not really in my control... it depends on how the shoppers treat our store tomorrow and what the corp offices tell us we HAVE to do..... ugh, tooo many variables.

Also, it is setting in that spending the holiday with him and his family may or may not be kind of a big deal... I mean, it's Christmas, lots of families have their own set of traditions and ways of doing things. And, well, I don't want to intrude on that (and technically I'm not, they did invite me). And I am like 100000 percent sure that I am worrying a bit too much about all of this...

OH, and, I am a serious gift-giver. I pride myself on the ability to pick out the right gifts. And this season, well... My ideas were to big. And I couldn't find things I was looking for, and did all my backup shopping yesterday. Yeah, I put it off, only because I kept looking for the unfindable items. But the back up items don't suck. IN FACT I think they may be just as good as the original ideas, but... I'm just afraid they wont be liked. And thusly, I wont be liked. anymore. :(
That last statement just proves I am worrying too much.

SO.
On those notes.
I wish everyone a happy holiday and prolly wont be back writing till after the new year :)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

Waiting Game

I feel lame not knowing the (exact) last time I saw my boyfriend.
I mean sure, I can ball park it, and say like 2weeks or something. But I'd much rather like to be specific.
I also feel lame knowing this is the longest the two of us have been apart from eachother.
True, maybe things like this will make us stronger as a couple. Maybe seeing eachother all the time is over-rated (yeah... right.)
And I know the reason for this time apart is completely legit. He had finals and graduation stuff to worry about and I have work (retail during the holiday season... yep). And both of us were stressed out about last couple weeks. Maybe the stress could have been lessened if we were together. Maybe that would have been worse... Who knows.

I just know, that I am lucky.
That even through all the little fights, the big misunderstandings and all the other relationship landmines we have so far tread across; we have come out on top. Together. And possibly stronger.

And for as much as I love my alone time. And as much as I need alone time.
There are times I need him more. Because he has done what none of the others have done which is weather my storm, embrace my flaws and continue loving me for me through it all.

I miss him.
I love him.
And I am T-30 hours away from seeing him. The only thing between me and him is work, a couple hours sleep, work again... and then my drive to him.

So... yeah.
All of that.

I should...

I should write a retraction for my last entry.
But that seems a little silly.
Since I posted that, the issue has since been resolved.
AND yes, it has really been resolved.
Misunderstandings cleared up. Apologies given and received and accepted.

I am actively refusing to give out any details besides that.

That being said. I have to share something, right.
Right.

This is what I want to share.
I really love the holidays. I love the cold. I love the snow. I love the lights everywhere. Everything seems a little more romantic, a little more special.

I like the idea of kisses stolen in nooks under mistletoe. I like the idea of walking hand in hand through a winter wonderland. I like the idea of decorating a tree together. I like the idea of keeping secrets about presents.
Is this cheesy... probably.
Is this lame... maybe.

but i have never been more excited about sharing a holiday with my other half than I am this time around.

Cardinal Rule of Relationships

Thou shalt not ask for what thy can't provide...

Not that long ago, I asked my boyfriend for more communication. More communication specifically about going out. This was after an unfortunate incident where the lack of communication caused me to become very hurt and very upset (I wont repeat the incident, but lets just say... ya know, lets just say, things were not said and I took it personally).

I knew when I asked to be more informed, I would have to do the same. I was and am prepared to do so.
But what happens when what I communicated isn't enough or wasn't the requisite information.

Last night I went out with a (girl) co-worker (who has a boyfriend). We met up and had a couple of beers. I told him I was having a beer (to me, that implies out somewhere that is not my domicile). I will own that I should have been more specific, and should have clarified that I was going out with a co-worker. But I didn't. TO ME I didn't need to clarify. I was going out with a co-worker (she is someone I have mentioned repeatedly) for a couple of drinks (a couple turned into a few more than planned) and to get to know eachother outside the confines of work. Also, because we were going to a bar she works at (she works at the bar part time) and it wasn't like we were trolling for dick... well, you get it by now.

I wasn't trying to leave my boyfriend out of the loop. I wasn't trying to pull some kind of fast one on him. What I was trying to do was become friends with someone so I can have more than just work and my boyfriend in my life (not to diss my bf or my job. I love him. I love my job. But everyone needs a couple of friends who live in city they live to hang out with).

IN ALL REALITY (and you can ask my co-worker) it slipped my mind. I always tell him when I am working, when I get off work and send tons of messages detailing the shit I do during the day. And the one time I do something I don't normally do (go out with out him) I didn't tell him. I am so used to him being with me, doing things with me, this one slipped.

And there is a part of me that is very sorry for what I accidentally did.
BUT then, there is the part of me that got hurt when he left me out that is now angry at him for acting this way. I KNOW what I did was not a form of payback or some childish way to get back at him. I would never intentionally hurt him like that. I love him way too much for that. But I am sure he is looking at it like it is a childish act of retaliation. This part of me thinks its insane that (to me) he is playing both sides of the card a) he gets to be offended when I got upset the first time and b) he gets upset again now because of something I accidentally did. If I was truly being childish, I would hang onto that and use that to drive my side of the argument. But, that's not how I feel, that's not who I am and that is NOT what I want to do. I want to be adult and talk it out. Work through it.