Julia Child Did Not Write for the Single Burner Kitchen

Chicken Paprikash Recipe
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Ingredients

* 1 whole chicken (about 3 1/2 pounds), cut into 8 pieces
* 1 Tbsp butter, softened
* 1 garlic clove, crushed
* 2 large onions, thinly sliced
* 1 Tbsp sweet Hungarian paprika
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 1/4 cup chicken broth
* 2 Tbsp sour cream

Method

chicken-paprikash-2.jpg
1 Preheat oven to 450°F. Pat chicken dry with paper towels. Mix butter with garlic. Use fingertips to spread mixture underneath the skin on the breasts and thighs.

2 In a small roasting pan, stir onions with paprika, salt, and 1/4 cup of water. Arrange chicken pieces in the pan. Cook chicken for about 10 minutes on 450°F, then lower the heat to 375°F and continue to cook an additional 30 minutes. Chicken is done when the internal temperature of the chicken reaches 175°F (use a meat thermometer), and the juices run clear when the thickest part of thigh is pierced with a knife. Note that breasts cook faster than the thighs, so you may want to take those out if done first, and let the thighs cook a few minutes longer.

3 Remove chicken pieces to a platter and let sit for 10 minutes. You may want to cut away the meat from the bones, and cut the chicken pieces into smaller pieces (entirely optional). Skim and discard fat from onion mixture in the pan. Add chicken broth to the onions. Placing the roasting pan on a stovetop burner, bring to boiling over medium heat, stirring to loosen the browned bits. Stir in sour cream. Serve chicken with onions spooned over it.


Look. I know you didn't need a recipe for delicious chicken... but I, I couldn't help myself.
I mean here I am in a place of my own (lacking in an actual kitchen) and all I wanted to do was make myself some delicious chicken.
EPIC FUCKING FAIL.
A) this isn't the chicken I tried to cook.
B) Lack of oven like apparatus (I have no oven to heat to 375, and I don't have a toaster oven either-- yet).
C) I only have a hot plate (yes, something you read in your dorm intro that you are explicitly forbade to have).

But now, you want to know what this has to do with relationships.
It has everything to do with relationships in an avant-garde over the top analogy kind of way.

Basically, I was not prepared for delicious chicken. Just as I was unprepared for the relationship I am in. Only, I am not complaining about the relationship. Just the lack of chicken.
See, chicken I know how to do. Relationships, I tend to faulter.

Especially this one.

I guess a little back story is needed here...
Just over a year ago I met my boyfriend. We became fast friends. In fact, I developed a crush on him specifically the night we we part of the filming of an art school film (Survived). But, upon developing the crush, I thought he was into another girl (my cousin-- she and I are almost attached at the hip). But still, I liked him. I liked hanging out with him. He was (and still is) the (second, to my best friend) most interesting person I know. I was completely fascinated by him. To this day, I don't think he knows how much I did (and still do) hang on his every word like some love-struck teenage girl.... Rather, I'm a love-struck 20-something. Back to the point, when we had met, I just moved back from California; and at that time, I did not want to be in a relationship with anyone. Inadvertently, this translated to not him. And ultimately he back away and I was violently pursued by another that I ended up dating. Upon that breakup, my current bf and I rekindled our friendship and finally started dating (and fell in love and are currently happily ever in the present, blahblahblah).

So, moral of the story, just like the chicken incident; I am completely ill prepared for this. But, I want it. I love it. And I am completely in love with it (mine and his relationship, not the chicken).

The Rules Are...

I used to have a developed set of rules I used to rely on when put in the situation of saying goodbye. Goodbye to an ex, btw, not a family member.

Rule 1.
Do NOT leave until he mentions 2 (AT LEAST) ex's. If you are 1000% sure you want to leave, mention 2 of your ex's, then see what happens. (Sparks fly, maybe even some dishes). Eventually you will be out the door.

Rule 2.
Once you decide to go, say ONLY nice things about him to your friends, his friends. Say the things you KNOW they will repeat later.
*REMINDER* Do not fuck his friends. Just don't. It doesn't matter that there is the one who knows just as much about you as he did and always brought you a drink too. He WILL take advantage; odds are he has already called. Oh sure, revenge would be sweet (if you are leaving because the boy in question has done something worth of a friend fuck), but remember, if you make this FATAL move; YOUR friends will be (if they aren't already) on his radar. And unless they are crazy faithful to you or you run with skanks... well... you get the picture.

Rule 3.
Leave things. Yes, leave things. If you have a relationship where you stay over frequently and/or live together leave things. IF YOU DO NOT: do not leave things (this makes it really creepy). Leave your hairbands, leave your travel toothbrush, leave leave that brand of mustard you love and all those leftover packets of soy sauce. Trust, he will be too lazy to get rid of them. And yes, he will think of you when he sees them. AND yes, the next round of girls will ask as well.

Rule 6.
If you HAVE to say something mean. Or you are totally provoked. Say the mean things with such tones of sweetness. That same one you use to tell him he looks great (when he really does) or how much you care about him. THINK: fuck you must ring like I love you.

Rule 7.
Make sure the last time he sees you is in the morning. All normal and life is grand. Bacon and eggs, sure. Newspaper, why not. Keep it normal. But once he leaves for work/school/whatever when you say goodbye to eachother say it like you do every day. Give him that reassuring kiss. This usually goes over well, until he comes back... then BAM, talk about impact.

Rule 8.
Leave a note. A simple one page or less note. DO NOT sign your name. ps, use nice paper, not a post-it or a scrap.

Rule 9.
DO NOT CALL A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER. Call a taxi, drive yourself anything but a friend or family member.

Rule 10.
Once out of any shared space and into your space. Cry. Cry quietly and politely. DO NOT CRY LIKE A DYING ANIMAL. DO NOT. It wont make you feel better. You will end up hoarse. And then people will ask if you are ok... which will only bring on another round of sobs.



Oh sure, maybe these rules are not the nicest way to end a relationship. But how else do you preserve yourself?
Or better yet... What do you do when you realize these rules not longer apply because the are childish, hurtful and useless.
OR
What about when you realize, they just don't apply.

The Longest Day EVER

I am convinced that this past week has been the longest week.
I have gone too long without seeing my boyfriend. Ok, in all reality, a week is not that long. It is, by definition, last I checked; a while.
And really a week is not that long to be away from someone... I mean, I have been away from my family WAY longer than that. I have been away from my best friend for way longer to that.

But it is this uninterrupted time apart; I have caught myself doing things and thinking of things I wouldn't normally do... such as:

- think about the man in question... a lot. all the time.
- try overwhelmingly hard to convince him to come here.
- be serious about trying to convince him to come here.
- spend a chunk of change at VS for him.... I mean me.
- have Twilight-esque fantasies about he and I.
- actually began wondering what he would think about memyclothesmyitunesmyeverything
- printed a picture i took of him and left it by my desk (because that is exactly where I spent about 14hours the past week.
- a laundry list of dirty thoughts and considerations of dirty deeds (done dirt cheap aka free)

So, here I am.
Scribbling this out, not sure if he know just how much I have missed him and can't wait to see him. I mean sure, I have told him (in very generic ways) but... well... now it's time to pull out the big guns (all puns intended) and show him.

No, there will not be pictures posted as a follow up.

I'm Sensitive, Dammit.

I'm more sensitive than I let on.
I perfer to appear stong, steadfast even stoic, before I let my emotions get the best of me.
I process through my emotions before I do or say anything; making sure the emotions are justified and coming from the right place.
However, in doing this... I don't think my actual sensitivity shows. Maybe I am too busy processing my emotions to fully feel then, let alone, say anything about them.

In previous relationships, I was made to feel like I was crazy for having feelings and/or ever saying anything about them.
I realize (and have know for awhile) that the man I am with, is nothing like those boys. He cares more about my comfort, my thoughts, my feelings and the expression there of, so much more than (almost) anyone I know.
Yet, I still find it hard talk to him about my concers/worries/fears. Even when I know my feelings/fears etc are justified.
I think I am afraid of the reaction the feelings would generate... When, I don't want a reaction. I want to be heard.

There is no time like the present.... Right?