The Importance of Sea Otters & Sailor Jerry

So. These two things don't go together, that's what you're thinking. And they don't. But thanks to a certain sailor and a certain challange these two came together in a mess. A mess that I am still trying to make sense of and make better (idk if it can be made better... But maybe less worse).

What I remember:
An interesting afternoon. A stop at the liquor store. A stop at blockbuster. A stop at walmart. Back home. Watching an Alfred Hitchock movie. A stop at mcdonalds for dnner. Watching Failure to Launch. A channel change to Leno. The sea otter appears. The drinking commences. Watching Beerfest. Insert huge unknown gap of blackout time where I am functioning but have no idea what I am doing but keep drinking. Needing to vomit and persuaded to do so by my boyfriend. Kick him out of the bathroom saying "I don't need you to hold my hair back, I have a hairtie.". I am now vomiting, and completely ashamed.
BUT it keeps going.
Insert another blackout where idk how long I've been in the bathroom. Suddenly, am now on bathroom floor talking with my boyfriend. Insert another blackout. Suddenly I am face to face with my boyfriend telling him how much he and his happiness mean to me. Insert another blackoutm. And lastly, waking up at 830am very confused.

How I Feel:
Like crap. Like total crap and completely undeserving of the man I am lucky to be with. I hate that I can't recall a single word he said. I can see his lips moving but can't hear the words. I hate that I can't recall what started all this; however, he did tell me pieces of it. I hate, that I let myself get so out of hand drinking, emotionally and stomachally.

All day, I have been thinking of how to correct what I've unknowingly done. Because, I know me and I know how I can be when I'm that drunk. And he doesn't deserve to have that unleashed on him. And with what I've been thinking and feeling... I don't know where he is or how he is feeling about this.

But for now... I am a lonely female sea otter. Who is never going to drink 4/5ths of a bottle of Sailor Jerry.