The Rules Are...

I used to have a developed set of rules I used to rely on when put in the situation of saying goodbye. Goodbye to an ex, btw, not a family member.

Rule 1.
Do NOT leave until he mentions 2 (AT LEAST) ex's. If you are 1000% sure you want to leave, mention 2 of your ex's, then see what happens. (Sparks fly, maybe even some dishes). Eventually you will be out the door.

Rule 2.
Once you decide to go, say ONLY nice things about him to your friends, his friends. Say the things you KNOW they will repeat later.
*REMINDER* Do not fuck his friends. Just don't. It doesn't matter that there is the one who knows just as much about you as he did and always brought you a drink too. He WILL take advantage; odds are he has already called. Oh sure, revenge would be sweet (if you are leaving because the boy in question has done something worth of a friend fuck), but remember, if you make this FATAL move; YOUR friends will be (if they aren't already) on his radar. And unless they are crazy faithful to you or you run with skanks... well... you get the picture.

Rule 3.
Leave things. Yes, leave things. If you have a relationship where you stay over frequently and/or live together leave things. IF YOU DO NOT: do not leave things (this makes it really creepy). Leave your hairbands, leave your travel toothbrush, leave leave that brand of mustard you love and all those leftover packets of soy sauce. Trust, he will be too lazy to get rid of them. And yes, he will think of you when he sees them. AND yes, the next round of girls will ask as well.

Rule 6.
If you HAVE to say something mean. Or you are totally provoked. Say the mean things with such tones of sweetness. That same one you use to tell him he looks great (when he really does) or how much you care about him. THINK: fuck you must ring like I love you.

Rule 7.
Make sure the last time he sees you is in the morning. All normal and life is grand. Bacon and eggs, sure. Newspaper, why not. Keep it normal. But once he leaves for work/school/whatever when you say goodbye to eachother say it like you do every day. Give him that reassuring kiss. This usually goes over well, until he comes back... then BAM, talk about impact.

Rule 8.
Leave a note. A simple one page or less note. DO NOT sign your name. ps, use nice paper, not a post-it or a scrap.

Rule 9.
DO NOT CALL A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER. Call a taxi, drive yourself anything but a friend or family member.

Rule 10.
Once out of any shared space and into your space. Cry. Cry quietly and politely. DO NOT CRY LIKE A DYING ANIMAL. DO NOT. It wont make you feel better. You will end up hoarse. And then people will ask if you are ok... which will only bring on another round of sobs.



Oh sure, maybe these rules are not the nicest way to end a relationship. But how else do you preserve yourself?
Or better yet... What do you do when you realize these rules not longer apply because the are childish, hurtful and useless.
OR
What about when you realize, they just don't apply.